Not "A man, duh" so don't make her kill you. If you do she will undoubtedly get away with it thanks to her degree in criminal justice and her cop schooling. that means she knows her way around both ends of the handcuffs. Not only can she beat you to a pulp, she can also patch you up and keep you alive long enough  to beat you to a pulp again thanks to her EMT training. Of course if you survive it all, she'll bill you exorbitant amounts for the health care, of course the beatings are free. While she has a pile of shoes large enough to kill a grown man with a thousand heel prints of death, she can still shit, shower, shave and be out the door in 30 minutes or your pizza's free. Of course if you ask for the free pizza she might just kick your ass.

Don't touch him or you might get burned, and you won't rise from your own ashes, that's his trick bub! The wild card who spews so much crap at times that we're never sure if we should call in an answer or not. But he's there when the team needs him with wit and sarcasm and...well, no, mostly sarcasm...when the team's strength is wavering

Sure he's got more hair than the real Fire Marshall Bill, but give him time, he's still growing into his full potential of being able to light a fire or is that save a life? Sometimes he's been known to do both at the same time in Cowbell HQ. Of course when we say a fire we mean a Zippo and his own flatulence, but hell, we all have to start somewhere.

Apparently it works because the chain reaction that's triggered gives him insight into the minds of people he never met and pull out things he never knew and score the team points. It's a useful skill so we keep him even though we've had to rebuild several HQs after his 'fire safety demonstrations.'.

Spawned from the same eugenics program that gave rise to El Capitan and Jay Sherman's Understudy, The Boss was born to lead...or at least manage and organize who uses what color towel during the trivia contest. But don't let her appearance or name fool you, she'll kick your ass if you don't put the toilet seat down and she'll nail half the sports questions before you can blink an eye...while you're blinking that eye she might even manage to apply some mascara to it.

Ever dangerous and fiercely competitive one must never attempt to steal the big ball from her at mortal peril...you've been warned.

No matter what you believe you know about porn, this man knows more. While he's hever had the up and at em to actually star in porn he's logged more hours in front of his television than many of us have awake and has a direct dial line to Walgreen's delivery (they know his favorite Kleenex style and weekly vaseline consumption rate). He could one day become the spokeperson for masterbation if of course they ever actually needed a person for that. Generally he's got a lot of shit going on but still manages to grace us with his presence. Surprisingly even with all that whackin, he's still managed to save up enough to take part in the Cowbell Breeding Program

Surprisingly, there are massive amounts of things to be learned while standing out in a field chewing a piece of straw talking to a scarecrow. Who knew? Well, obviously Farmer Dave did because he's a font of old school information. He can tell you how much straw you need to stuff a scarecrow, how many seeds you need to plant a 1 hectare field of corn and all kinds of cool shit. Hell, he's even down with them new fangled thingamabobs... computers.

Over the years, he's managed to balance work, play and family. While he remembers things from a time long ago he might begin forgetting, so we have a plan to transfer his brainwaves into a computer, don't tell him...he might not survive the process

Bio and Picture Coming Soon!

It's our man on the inside who refuses to actually help us because he's too busy actually working at the trivia event. He's also a prime target for a memory transfer to the computer, then we can wipe his mind blank and put in a direct link from him to Cowbell HQ for the direct transfer of information...Well we would if it wasn't against his religion that is.

G-Town Cleaners? It's his fault...the Rise of the Cowbell Empire, archaeologists might one day track it all back to a chance discussion between him and El Capitan..what's this Trivia Marathon thing you speak of?

Our own Italian version of Phileas Fogg, Guido is ever the world traveler, having visited many countries, including: France, Ireland, Germany, England, and the Czech Republic, which he currently calls "home".

Traveling the world planting his demon seed, we're certain he is planning world domination by creating a "clone army" of little "Guidos".  He is 188lbs of ego and penis (mostly ego), but the fact is he is brilliant and a first-class "Googler".

Just don't tell him we said so!  There isn't enough room at Cowbell headquarters for the team and his inflated ego.

We have one word to describe the Doctor and that word is...er... WORD. We also use many other things, but not to his face because we like him. Paired for the long haul with G.I. Jane is whipping this once young careless lad into a fine young Breeding machine. We just hope that he's not losing his edge by over-donating to the cause.

If you ever needed to know the meaning of the word "schwail", you just call the Doctor.  Sometimes, we're not sure what he's saying and that's when he's most deadly pulling answers and archaic meanings of long forgotten words from the very ether itself. He's a superhero, or an alien. Either way he's ours and you can't have him.

It's a scary thought...the future of Cowbell Trivia rests on the strength of this man's sperm. Luckily, they've already done their job and the Cowbell Trivia Perpetuation and Breeding Program is a success. The carefully selected pairing of this man and The Boss, El Capitan's sister, will work towards filling the team for years to come.

Considering he fooled an entire town into letting him administrate it and managed to get a desk chair, phone AND a cardboard box as a desk for his office shows his true value. Now if we could only get rid of all that backed up sewage in the Cowbell HQ...

He might not look like the referenced animation (figure it out, you're a trivia player) but he knows just about as much in the realm of film. We've been working to reinforce the structural integrity of the film collection area so as not to one day wake up and be without him as he suffered death from a 1000 Blu-ray cuts. The amount of time the Ambassador of porn has spent in front of his television is rivalled only by the amount of time The Understudy has spent fine-tuning the perfect collection of first DVDs and now Blu-Ray. In fact he's so knowledgeable that he knew about the demise of HD-DVD before anyone else did and was already stockpiling the Blu-Ray.

When one has a love of interior decorating, fine food and high fashion one must know how to fool the now-failing credit card agencies into giving one plastic...in fact evidence has been uncovered that shows he in fact may have been the entire reason for the downfall of the mega-credit corps in the economic crisis of 2008. Amazingly, they're still sending him piles of plastic that he's using to outfit our new super Cowbell HQ with gadgets that would make even James Bond stare in disbelief. Well he would be if we could get him out of the credit coma he went iinto when news of the credit crush arrived. Now we just have unpaid bills piling up for him...

Ten HUT! Listen up you maggots! This is one tiny package of dynamite that was property of the U S of A until we managed to steal her. We can tell you that because she has massive amounts of power (brain, feminine and otherwise) and will defend Cowbell HQ from all comers...so bring it punks! G.I. Jane and Doctor of Morphology are also paired via the Cowbell Trivia Perpetuation and Breeding Program and are working to fill a team all by themselves and we couldn't be happier.

Of course she needs to keep the Doctor in line and up to the task.  We don't ask about how that's done, but we suspect torture and some sort of secret army shit are involved...as I said, we don't ask.

She SOOO wishes she was anti-emo that someday, she may very well be. While El Capitan might try to tell you that he had the foresight over a decade ago to begin the Cowbell Breeding Program, we know he's just a lucky bastard to have such a cool kid that could possibly be cooler than him one day, we've got a pool going. Well most of the time, regardless the fates aligned and El Capitan spawned a daughter more hardcore than him in certain respects. She is the link between the old farts and the next generation, sort of like that guy that captained the Enterprise between Kirk and Picard...

At the bright young age of 15 and a size double-oh, she's ready to tack on an agent ID to her license to kill. Her innate superpower to eat like a 400lb man and then destroy a building with her subsonic belching is sure to be an asset...some time in her life. So, be sure not to feed her after midnight or terrible things will happen. She a sworn enemy to all zombie-kin and takes every opportunity to blast them into little itty bitty undead flesh chunks when not attempting to not be emo with the Anti-Emo. Amazingly, she is browser-dependent and that's an addiction we plan to abuse as she helps the Cowbell reign supreme.

I have a dream. A dream of a network of trivia team members spread across the globe digging through dusty tomes, searching in the most remote locations, answering the most difficult and obscure of questions. A team gathered in the shadow of the almighty Cowbell. To that end I have begun to assemble a diverse team of friends, family and acquaintances. One day the Cowbell shall rise above all others and when it comes crashing down upon them the sound will be deafening the they shall know they have been beaten.

OK, while our captain didn't really ever say any of that I just thought it would be a very inspirational message for him to have in his profile. Really he's a network jockey by day, a video gamer by night, an all around nice guy and a great dad. If you've got a problem with any of that then you have to talk to Guido because he's the one that wrote this and he'll be happy to demonstrate his faith in El Capitan with his fists and his mind and maybe a baseball bat or bar stool...

This team wouldn't exist or persist without this man and he deserves the props he doesn't want to give himself and the respect that many forget to give him. So cough it up suckers...

Apparently, having two children has driven this mother over the edge into the warm embrace of history where she can forget all her contemporary problems and delve into the inner workings of the past. So obsessed with cleanliness that she actually attempts to put herself in the washing machine because her clothes are 'dirty,' we often have to dim all the lights in Cowbell HQ so she can't see the cobwebs in the corners or else she'd never part the mists of history for us to gain insight into what happened (and answer those questions properly) and only clean, which is a full time job for an army of domestic engineers. We forgive her faults, like being a Penn State fan (somebody has to be we guess) and not being able to eat breakfast after 9am. Well, we'll see what 50 hours of trivia do to that internal clock and who knows, maybe she'll embrace the concept of brinner (look it up punk) in the end...

The as-yet-unnamed, soon-to-be-complete, newest addition to the Cowbell trivia team will be the spawn of Sausage (Bureaucracy Buff) and wiener (The Boss)...what better name than a mini, party sausage?! Hence the child hath been given a nickname even before it hath been born and so the prophecy begins. Vienna is destined to be a soccer ball kicking, monster that will terrorize his parents and the rest of the family of the Cowbell clan until....well until the cows come home I suppose. Great things are destined for this child born of two sausages but made of neither. That's what you get when you aim the sperm cannon properly....'one with a handle.'